Common Courtesy

Around 2:15am this past morning, I was walking back to my apartment rather pissed off. I won't state the reason or even the person(s) behind the reason; it's a moot point. What got me thinking was I realized to be, not a single event, but a culmination of events over the past month or so. This morning (when I woke up), I was laying in bed and realized that it was really a culmination of events over the past several years that had me ticked.

Imagine for a moment that you're walking into a building. There's a person behind you who's entering the same facility. Being the courteous person you are, you hold the door open for this person. As a sign of appreciation for this courteous behavior, the individual for whom you hold the door might be expected to utter two very simple words: "Thank you." This person, however, walks right past you, listening to their iPod, not even looking in your direction. One might define courtesy as "...a gesture of good will without the expectation of something in return from the individual that such courtesy was directly towards." Given this definition, one might argue that the individal holding the door shouldn't expect a "thank you," nor do his actions require a response from the individual for whom he holds the door. I would argue that, while this coureous action doesn't neccessarily require a courteous response, the person saying "thank you" would be expressing an act of courtesy. As the person holding the door does not expect a response, they would be pleased (theoretically) with an unexpected response. Meanwhile, this expression of "thank you" does not require a response in return; hence it being a courteous action in and of itself.

Now why, do you ask, did I just write a huge paragraph on a situation that we all experience on probably a daily basis? Because the realization that I have come to is that, I have seen a degradation of courtesy in the past few years. Not that I have seen less courteous actions, just that I have come to the realization that people are not very courteous. This has spawned from mostly situations I observe, and as such, situations with which I am involved. I cannot count how many times that I have held a door open for someone and not even received a glance in my direction, as if I am some chump who's EXPECTED to hold the door open for someone. No no no; you misunderstand. There is nothing saying I have to hold the door open for someone. There is nothing saying that ANYONE should be courteous and respectful when others only shit on them when they try to be courteous and respectful.

Repect. What does that even mean? One of several definitions that Dictionary.com gives is, "esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability." So I consider respect and courtesy to go hand in hand. An act of courtesy is often times an act of respect as well. Using the same source, here's another definition of courtesy:

"1. excellence of manners or social conduct; polite behavior.
2. a courteous, respectful, or considerate act or expression."

So as you see, respect is even IN the definition of courtesy. Courtesy, it seems, is not neccessarily a polite action from which one does not expect a response. In line with "excellence of manners," "thank you" would be a courteous response to someone holding the door open for you.

It's this degradation that has me so pissed off. I will list several things that I would consider commone courtesies, all of which things that I have expected from people with whom I socialize with. Lets just say I've been rather disappointed with what I've seen. Here's a few examples:

1) Holding the door open for something, assuming they're not 100m behind you.
2) Saying "thank you" when someone holds the door for you.
3) Following through with committments you make.
4) In line with the last one; informing people in a TIMELY MANNER if you have to break a committment.
5) Waving to a driver when they stop to let you cross the street.
6) Waving to someone on the highway when they let you over into another lane.
7) Not talking in the movie theatre.
8) Saying "thank you" when people do random nice things for you, and honestly appreciating these things.
9) Asking permission to use other people's crap; including utilizing someone's room for something other than walking in to retrieve an item from that room (e.g. sleeping).
10) Similar to #4, returning peoples' phone calls in a TIMELY MANNER.
11) Not bitching with people when they ask you to help them out
12) Actually helping people when they ask you to (assuming you have the time and capabilities to do so)
13) Something I think deserving of it's own spot on the list: Not eating any food that's NOT YOURS.
14) Cleaning up after yourself, ESPECIALLY if you're living with other people and your mess directly affects the people you live with.

These are just a few things I have noticed that people really don't do too much. Some people actually do these things, and whoever you are, I commend you. You have earned some respect in my eyes for treating people like decent human beings. It just pisses me off when people do things that I find disrespectful. It shows me a lack of caring and consideration on their part. How can someone who consistently does these kind of things to me call me their friend or even act cordially around me. Honestly, if you hate me that much then say so. Get it off your fucking chest. I'm sick and tired, not only of people being disrepectful to me, but of people being disrespectful to each other. I generally consider myself to have a rather high tolerance for these kinds of things. I usually let them slide, but a time eventually comes when you have to say "enough is enough." You can't always let people walk all over you. Even if it means ruining a relationship, you have to stand up for yourself. Letting people treat you like shit only says that you don't even respect yourself. You have to respect yourself. It's one thing if people are disrespectful to EVERYONE. It's a completely different situation if people are disrespectful to a select few people. That says to me that they're not complete assholes, they just think these few people not worthy of being treated like a person; not worthy of their caring or consideration.

It's intersting ... I was trying to find a definition of "common courtesy," and I found an article of someone writing about pretty much the same thing I'm writing about right now, only about his observation of courtesy degrading in American society as a whole. Here's the link if anyone feels like reading it. I'll end on my favorite quote from this article, "I have been terming common courtesy as the single word courtesy due the fact that courtesy is very much uncommon and holds no right being called common in the least."

Currently listening to: Wild Night, Van Morrison